My Wonderful Day

Many wonderful things have happened today this first day in weeks (?) of delightful sun. I had taken a deep dip inside of myself this past weekend and it was not fun. I cannot explain how the depression gripped me like an eagle's talons grabs its prey. I was overtaken by uncontrollable crying spells, horrible thoughts, painful and uncomfortable physical symptoms, and literally had a hard time breathing.

Thanks be to the LORD for a new day. I woke up and had an interview this morning and it went a lot better than anticipated! It was for a Spanish elementary teaching position-actually there are four positions available but they might combine a few because they are less than full time. But i am interested in taking them BECAUSE they are less than FT because i will be starting grad school. I would like to teach but I am very concerned about my mental and physical stability if I begin a brand new FT teaching job AND grad school! So we will see what God has in store. There were only 2 interviewers so not too intimidating. The questions were not hard. As anticipated one person asked me questions in Spanish and they were easily understood. I stumbled quite a bit (in my opinion). One of the questions in Spanish was to describe how to teach 2nd graders about a "Family" theme. Well, it just so happens that I did JUST THAT in Guatemala but to Mayan girls in English so i was able to show them an example of the puppets I used in the lesson! Even if my Spanish wasn't great, hopefully they are impressed. Anyway, they will narrow it down to 5 people (out of 10) for the 2nd interview-which will be with more people! So I should find out tomorrow if I made it to the next round. I would like to make home made thank you cards for the interviewers if I can keep this enthusiasm up!

After my interview, I came home and found that an electrician was working in my room so it had turned into a tornado. No worries. I grabbed my undergarments without him looking and changed from my suit coat into work out clothes to go for a walk on this gorgeous day. Then for about 5 minutes I got to talk to my friend Becca in El Paso who i haven't talked to in FOREVER. After a refreshing walk, I made myself a nice frozen drink with this amAAAZing goji berry juice i bought. The electrician had left so that gave me the opportunity to straighten and clean my room. Then my roomie Jenn and I went to the library where it was horrendously busy with all the kids on summer break and an in-house juggler. I got some yoga videos, a yoga book and a book called the Sugar Solution.

We then went to my favorite store ever Fresh & Natural Foods where I bought stuff to make a delightfully yummy organic (mostly) gluten free pasta salad. So that's what I did when I got home AFTER mowing the front yard even though the mower made me so annoyed that I cursed at it (really loudly because I had my music blaring on my ipod). After making the pasta, I blared the rock music on pandora and cleaned and sanitizing while squashing tiny little black ants in the process (they have now somehow gotten up in my cupboard and have found my organic ginger and honey!)

Now my pasta salad is cooling. It is for my small group get- together tonight--with some of my best friends in the world. Anyway, it has been a great day so far. (I even had a headache and it went away!)

A New Way to Live

As you can see I changed my blog title and "About Me." More about that later (or maybe you will begin to understand after this entry).

I have been in a weird place lately, physically and spiritually, and consequently, emotionally. Last Saturday at church, I felt God telling me to go up and get prayer which, of course, I was very nervous about doing. After a kind man name Lawrie/Lori prayed for me, I guess I didn't know what to expect. Sudden restoration?

You may be wondering exactly what it is that is bothering me. Well, overall I am doing pretty well. But there is one thing that I have been obsessed with lately: food. No I don't overeat or nor am I concerned about my weight. After reading a book called The Food Allergy Cure by Dr. Ellen Cutler and talking with my friend Becca and others with food sensitivities I have determined I am doing something wrong with me eating. I have struggled my entire life with headaches, for almost 10 years with depression, and for many years with other things, so I thought, why not go gluten free? But it has turned into an obsession. (As always, whenever I want to do something potentially good it gets out of control as my thoughts/obsessions become uncontrollable).

Anyway, I am reading this book by Larry Crabb and naturally the title is appealing. My whole life is about pressure, basically due to perfectionism, with which I have a love/hate relationship. I am always trying to do things right at all times. NOw it has to do with food. Well, anyway, Crabb is not necessarily a great writer but his book is simple and to the point. His basic point is "There's a New Way to live" in which we are not contstantly striving, trying to find all the answers, trying to find causes for everything, trying to be perfect. BUT I am still trying to figure out what the New Way is he talks about (I am little over half way through the book). He basically has said thus far that we need to make Christ our number one priority-easily said, obviously. (Ironically, Crabb seems to present the "answer" to our problems when in the first place, he says we shouldn't be seeking the answers!)

He talks about how we are taking advantage of Christ when we have an "If/then" mindset, "If I do these things, You will then deliver me out of this problem, give me this blessing, etc." This all is simply stated and makes sense. But my question is, God is not going to blatantly say, "Brittany, you have these food sensitivities." I need to to use the brain he gave me to find the answers! Right? I feel this is in my power like I could possibly find the answer to my problems, particularly depression which has created all my other problems, I believe.

Maybe some people reading this might think, Why is she so concerned about all this? I do sound kind of obsessed with myself. But I have come to realize the importance of our bodies and how for me personally, everything I eat contributes to my mood, physical symptoms, etc. But maybe I have taken it too far. Should I just accept my depression as part of life? As I thought I already had. But after reading the Food Allergy book, I thought, "What if..." What if something I have been eating my whole life is causing it? In Crabb's mind, I maybe should not be searching for the answer.

I think there is some sort of middle ground here. But I am so stuck as always in my black-and-white, all-or-nothing thoughts.

Then there's the whole gluten-free (or low gluten) I have tried to do for the past few days. I am quite irritated because nothing has really changed. In fact, it may have gotten worse. Yesterday and today I experienced INTENSE sudden fatigue after having gotten good rest the night before. And have been having headaches almost every day for two weeks now. Anyway, I am sure nothing's wrong, but the GF has not improved anything, plus I can't afford this diet and I miss bread too much.