I am Moving

I will be moving this Saturday. For the first time since the day has been drawing nearer, I have been allowing myself to get excited, rather than dread it. I am the kind of person who has really enjoyed living alone. I don't get lonely often. I like coming home, knowing everything is just how I left it. No dishes left around with dried ketchup on them. No unknown people at my house to freak me out. No tiptoeing into the kitchen and bringing my coffee grinder into the bathroom so as not to wake my sleeping roommates. No unwanted catfights. I can leave my dishes in the sink as long as I want. I can clean how I want, organize the fridge and dishwasher as I want, and best of all, I can choose when I want to be around people. I always know I can go home and be alone...just the way I like it.

But I will be moving in with two people. My close friend Theresa has a house she bought a few months ago. She lives with Jen, who I am still getting to know. Theresa's probably the closest friend I've had in a long time, so the fact that I'll be living with her freaks me out just a bit. I have had my share of heartache living with best friends.

But as the day draws nearer, I am thinking of...get this...the positives of this situation! I'm thinking of how I'll arrange my small bedroom (I have been spoiled with my large one in this apt). Mostly...how I will be getting away from here, a place that I love because it represents my independence, besides my and Matt's love of the hot tub (and pool), and because of the vast array of beautiful (albeit annoying) people of all ages and races. But I will be moving a little further away from the city, in a neighborhood where there's not constant horns beeping, car alarms scaring me out of my wits, radios blaring, kids screaming, dogs barking, or construction machinery howling. Where drunk people don't accidentally try to come in (and if they do, at least I won't be all by myself!)

Mostly, my moving means growth for myself, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, interpersonally. I can work on my skills of interpersonal effectiveness from DBT. As I said I have struggled in the past with girlfriends/roommates. Who hasn't? I worry about conflict because I hate it and tend to avoid it; that's why I have to create situations in which to practice these skills. I am worried about my and Theresa's first "fight." But all close friends have them, or do they? Maybe I mean more, our first disagreement. But the great thing about Theresa is she has demonstrated unconditional acceptance of me. She is one of those people I don't have to worry about offending and to whom I can tell anything. Not only that; it is not a one-sided relationship. She also comes to me, asking my opinion or sometimes just for an ear to listen. So...while praising God for this friendship, I also ask myself, will I mess up? Will it get ruined while living together (as past experiences have shown)? But I won't focus on that now.

I started off positively; I'll end positively: I can't wait to see where God will take me on this next leg of my journey! Now off to continue packing...