Thursday, January 28, 2010

Long Cold Winter

It's been awhile since I have written because I have been uninspired lately. Nothing incredible has really happened to me, but I guess that's a good thing. One thing I have noticed about this winter is that it is one of the longest, coldest of my life. Each day the sun goes down my joy seems to dissipate with it. It is very subtle but quite real. Now as I sit typing in the dark, I am staying afloat by the fake light coming from this computer, the news on TV and the timed lamp that lovingly comes on each day at approximately 4:50, and mostly by the dreams of sunshine and warmth and hope.

The great thing is that the days are getting longer. Today it was still light at 5 pm; and despite, the FREEZING weather, we have had two days of wonderful sun. I cannot tell you how much more joy I experience when the sun is out.

I have begun to dream, instead of just trying to get through the day. Sometimes I dream about a very blurry but aching future, of being with the love of my life, that future someone with whom God has yet to provide me. And of reaching my second lifelong dream, of being a mom. But mostly I just dream about what I KNOW is coming and coming soon, the birth of my friends' babies in just a few short weeks and months! And I am looking forward to summer, this summer particularly. I am scared because I don't know what it will entail.

But anything that is combined with sun, you can be assured I can tolerate it, if not relish in it. I cannot tell you how sun affects me; and how darkness/night radically shakes me. I have a hard time enjoying the sun knowing that darkness will inevitably come.

These days have been filled with more hope. And I know it will keep increasing with each passing day. Soon my fingers will be warm, and dry hands will no longer burn, I won't be huddled in bed at night, but stretched out in peaceful moonlight. I won't hear about horrible snow-related accidents and falls. And thunderstorms, I can't wait for those!

But, then again, I am trying to focus on this moment! The hot baths and the nice-smelling lotion. Warmth emitted by your own body under a blanket. The hot meals and drinks after a cold walk outside. And just the incredible beauty and freshness of winter.

Winter, I will try to love you and enjoy each beautiful moment you give, but I won't be sad to see you go.


  1. hey,hang in there! the winter just might suprise u with some funny memories.....u'll see.
    how u doing?

  2. Good to hear from you Brittany. Your Aunt Shari shares your love of books, and good novels. I have read many of Jodi Piccoult's books. Sooo thought provoking aren't they? I don't ever feel guilty for getting engrossed in a good novel. I love the creativity of the authors and love to find myself in unfamiliar places as I read and become buried in stories. I do like to try to balance out my reading with some good inspirational or thought provoking books on faith and spirituality too, but I'll have to say I never tire of "story". I guess that is the "drama lover" in me. Keep up the good reading, don't feel guilty, just enjoy. Keep up the writing as well, you're good at it. Life is too short to waste time on judging yourself and on forgetting to enjoy each day. Love You! Aunt Shari
    P.S. I just read two books by an author I'd never heard of.(I turned them in-it was Rowen something, she's English from London) The second, was a brand new release sequel to the first; Accidental Mother, and Accidental Family. (About a single girl in London, busy with her single life, when life is interrupted by An old friend's two orphaned children. After the friend dies, they find that she was listed as the God- mother and custody was to go to her. You can imagine. It was cute, tender and showed what is important in life. I am just starting one by Kristin Hannah; Between Sisters. I read one of hers that I happened on called Mystic Lake. It was good, so I thought I'd try another of hers. Let me know if you find some good ones. I have read My Sister's Keeper and many of Jodi's. I'll never forget 16 seconds (or is it minutes?) Wow, it was good. Love ya!

  3. I wrote a long comment Brit and I hope it got published cause i don't have time to write it again. It was fun to read your blog and I join you in reading great novels keep it up and don't waste time feeling guilty. Life is too short, just relax and enjoy the stories. I too am fascinated by the creativity of the authors. It sound like we like some of the same books as I've read lots of Jodi's. I left you some of my recent reads on my comment, lets just hope it didn't get deleted. Love ya! Aunt Shari