Something came over me
And now I can't take it back
I know I am forgiven
But if someone talked to me that way
I would be gone
I am so broken, torn, bleeding
Full of holes oozing with nothingness
I don't understand all of these problems
And the Devil continues to prowl
Trying to break the links of freedom and forgiveness
I don't know where to go
What's up down right left front back
But somehow I claim this promise of peace
And rest
In the waiting
We are both so broken and wretched
Yet so loved forgiven
It seems no matter how much I try
The worse I fall
The worse of a person I become
The ugliness I try to hide
Comes out with the ones I care for most
I feel I have no excuse
And the truths are mixed in with deceit
Will I ever become the one He wants me to be?
And why do relationships have to be this way?
Why do I always struggle for perfection when I know
It just leads to bondage and depression?
I will try to live my life in the questions
As always, hanging on each moment
Remembering small joys, small fragments of peace,
The times I hung on for dear life
Knowing I will never go back to
The darkness
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You're right--what you said that night would scare off just about anyone. Myself just about included. It did hurt and caused much emotions to arise; however--God stepped in. You noticed it; I noticed it. Forgiveness has been issued, and life moves on. Forgetting it will be harder, but lessons can be learned. I found it interesting as I read your poem, that right beside it is Romans 8--my every busy eyes bounced from your verses to His verse seeing the darkness but then blinded by the light. Having the worst of you come out against those that matter the most says a lot about you and the closeness you have with them. If I were just a "nobody", what difference would it make; however you have bonds that the devil wants broken because they scare him--and it should. Feel proud--you are causing the devil to quake; unfortnately, it causes him to be even more cruel and he will always attempt to invade you. Be strong and know that you are not alone; and no matter how ugly it gets, the beauty will be far greater--it just sucks to get dirty sometimes.
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